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Boosting Emergency Preparedness with Cutting-Edge Air Support in Rugged California Terrain

In a groundbreaking effort to tackle emergency scenarios in the picturesque chaos of California’s rugged terrain, authorities have rolled out an innovative air support strategy. This initiative comes amidst concerns that previous methods, involving binoculars and fervent hand-waving from mountain peaks, were perhaps not cutting-edge enough.

Under this ambitious plan, the state aims to deploy an elite fleet of drones, helicopters, and even a few renegotiated hot air balloons from Midsomer County’s annual vintage fair. These sophisticated air assets, equipped with hi-tech gadgets, are touted as the remedy to all natural disasters, including earthquakes, wildfires, and those campfire sing-alongs gone horribly dissonant.

The helicopters, each carrying a team of highly-trained hamsters stationed in the onboard command center, are designed to navigate treacherous landscapes. They’ll provide situational reports while simultaneously ensuring that all roads in California now lead to the nearest artisanal avocado farm.

Moreover, the drones incorporate revolutionary technology allowing them to distinguish between a harmless bushfire and celebrity barbecue smoke. As an added feature, they’ll also capture selfies of distressed hikers for immediate upload to social media with the hashtag #AdventureGoneSurreal.

In collaboration with tech wizards, the operation includes virtual reality headsets for ground crews. These are intended to simulate, in real-time, the feeling of being repeatedly puzzled by both the VR controls and the actual unfolding emergencies. Intended to boost morale, they come preloaded with calming meditations and all episodes of “Survivor,” granting unparalleled mental fortitude.

Critics of the initiative fear that this reliance on technology might overshadow the timeless value of a good old-fashioned folding map and a healthy respect for gravity. However, proponents assure the public that the endeavor is actually a thoughtful homage to the spirit of innovation, and not at all an elaborate series of advertisement placements for the new line of wilderness-ready smartphones.

Through this spectacular combination of aerial acrobatics and tech-savvy wizardry, officials declare California will now be two steps ahead of unforeseen disasters unless, of course, it happens to rain. In that case, no one is precisely sure what the contingency is, but there are rumors it may involve a giant state umbrella—negotiations pending.

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